Name: Soul Calibur 4

Platform: Xbox 360

Yeah I think I spent more then a few hours just making my characters bad ass. I dont think I played as a stock character till about the second or third day I had the game. The story mode is pretty cool. I mean what type of fighting game has a story mode anyway? Yeah go beat up this guy and do something… yeah cool game over. But the cool part of this game is the versus mode, whether offline or online its pretty fun. Its not as good as Soul Cal 2 but better then 3. So its cool I had a shit load of fun with it. I got my ass kicked online quite a bit which made me stick to off line practice. Yoda sucks. The Apprentice is pretty awesome but a pain in the ass to play as. I think I would rather have the ps3 version with Vader but meh. What can you do? Alright as with most games that involve some sort of multiplayer game play this game is more fun with the more booze and the more people playing. Knock back a few beers get some friends and start a little tourney. There is really no other way to play this. 4 beers.

Name: The Force Unleashed

Platform: Xbox 360

Heh…I fucking crushing people under shit. About an hour or some into the game you get a chance to drop a ship on some storm troopers…Its awesome and it really sets the mood for the rest of the game. My advice? Have a couple of drinks, max our your force lightening and go to town. The camera WILL piss you off. Example: At one point you fight 3 rancors at a time and a bunch of wall crawling assholes. You get pinned by some force-blocking shit and all you see when the rancor attacks you is your light-saber…and you cant attack because of some stupid glitch that keeps you pinned. But if you can ignore the stupid camera, cheap ass bosses and sorta lame story elements you will like this game. If you love Star Wars then you already own this game. But yeah its fun but irritating. I give it 3 beers. Only because I was less angry at the camera when drunk.

Name: Braid

Platform: Xbox Live Arcade

This is one cool fucking game. Its got some trippy ass time bending effects. Some of the best in game music I have ever heard and its fucking fun. But its a challenge to, and thats where my problems came in. Part of my review process is getting hammered then playing video games. Now this is one game you should NOT play drunk unless you just like hitting the X Button all day…But it was still fun, and definately worth the hype and the cost. Go out and support the games that push the limits of good story telling and presentation. I give this game 1 beer!

Shit Game

Name: Shit Game

Platform:  Anything that can run a windows app.

This is some seriously, and I mean truly, epic fucking shit… I found this game while I was cruising the forums and after seeing the name, I had to download it and for all that is holy tell someone about it. Alright first thing is first.

The graphics…are horrid yet creepily awesome at the same time. This is what happens when you give a retarded third grader a pen and some paper and then leave them in a room full of ganja, and not the good shit either, the bad shit. After setting the kid up, you record the drawings a few frames at a time, and then loop them. That’s your first level. For the second level you repeat the process but with a 4th grader. I dont remember if there is another level because after getting killed by the giant monocled looking floating head thing I questioned my own morality and cried a little.

The sound is truly something that made me feel wholesome. It fit perfectly with the graphics and the game play…

Oh yeah the gameplay, I almost forgot. Imagine if the guy who created the original Mario Brothers did a lot of bad shrooms and then knocked his balls around in a church for a few hours and then made a video game. This would be that game. There is plenty of jumping, floating heads and things that look like hairy nipples crossed with eyeballs.

Alright in all honesty this is some epic and I mean EPIC gaming. Apparently the guy who created this did it in a weekend and from my understanding he did it while giving birth to a mutant troll and eating the first born of Charlton Heston and Oprah. OK I may be exaggerating a little there….it may have taken him a week, I forget. If you want to get this game you can cause its free and here is the link. Get it, Love it, Spread it like a fucking STD baby!

This game gets 6 beers!

Civilization Revolution

Name: Civilization Revolution

Platform: Xbox 360

Alright people this is the first review of a game and its a good one…the game that is. Alright well first thing is first the single player campaign is nothing more then a string of skirmishes, its cool yeah but its nothing special. The multiplayer is awesome to the extent that you can wage war on your buddies and stab people in the back, and that is what multiplayer is all about right, befriending people then screwing them over. In any case its fun shit, the difficulty ramps up nicely and starting at chieftain and working your way up to Deity is a fiet amongst itself so those of you who can do it with out cheating are stellar.

I’ve played a handful matches so far and every game is different. Its fun and definitely a time sink. My experience with the Civilization series is the the opensource version you can find for any Linux distro and the newest Civ Warlords. They are all fun but Revolution is definitely different. Its worth checking out. I dont know how long it will it will be worthwhile but it is still cool shit.

Alright now I didnt need to play this game drunk in order to enjoy it but the first night I did play it I was pretty fucking hammered, so I give it 2 beers.

I introduce the noob cannon, the greatest of all things that is good and wholesome on this planet.

A weapon in a first person shooter which all the newbs use because its easy to kill others with, or they aren’t ready or willing to give another gun a shot.

This is Noob Cannon and we review games, talk about games, and bitch about things that are game related. From time to time you will find a review for a game. The first time you see it, it might confuse you. We use numbers but not in a good way. Everything is rated by the number of beers an average gamer would need to drink before the game becomes fun. For example, Hello Kitty Island Adventure would require 8 beers before it might become an ejnoyable experience. The game Call of Duty 4 however would only require 1 beer before it becomes enjoyable as it is pretty much kick ass from the get go. This isnt to be confused with the notion that a game gets MORE fun as you drink more it is merely a litmus test of a game that is less then stellar, and how long it takes to become decent. So the lower the number the better. Sit down and take a load off, there will be more to come later.